Credit: Ellenm1
Nearly four weeks ago, I took the decision to see my doctor about medication. I’m on the waiting list for more CBT but things were getting to the point, where I couldn’t wait any longer for some relief. With this in mind, my doctor prescribed me with some anti-anxiety tablets – a small dose to start off with – and to check back in a month.
I’m so glad I made that decision.
It took around two and a half weeks for me to notice any changes, and for much of the time they have been very subtle, yet changes there have been and they have already begun to have a positive effect on life as a whole.
The first thing I noticed, was that for the first time, in a very long time, I was on the floor playing with my children. When I realised what I was doing, I had to stop and pinch myself. For months, if not years, I would be the one tucked into the corner of the sofa, trying my best to do something other than playing, because somehow, for some irrational reason, it felt strange, awkward and uncomfortable. Now, I was laying on the floor on a mound of cushions, with two one year olds and a three year old climbing on top of me, and we were all laughing! Laughing I tell you! I don’t know when the last time I truly laughed like that was, but it was there and it felt good!
The second thing I noticed, was my sleeping habits. On any given night, I would be up two or three times or laying wide awake worrying. My mind was in a state of constant activity, rarely giving me the chance to just sleep. Now however, I’ve been sleeping like a baby. In-fact I’ve been sleeping so well, that I’ve been sleeping through the cries of the children waking during the small hours, and The Beef has had to get up and take care of them. I’m still left feeling tired in the mornings, and it’s not every night that I sleep that well, but it’s an improvement from the zombie that I was a few weeks ago.
Some other things are:
- Using the phone more – I hate talking on the phone, but slowly my confidence is growing in this area
- Not putting off appointments – for instance if I knew I had a doctor’s appointment, I would push it to the back of my mind and then at the very last minute, I would cancel
- Talking to actual people – at the nursery gates, I’ve actually been opening my mouth and talking. I would never have dreamed of doing that previously!
One final thing that really has been wonderful, is today I took Big Bro to nursery for the first time. I know, it’s a small thing but for me it’s huge. For a while now, I’ve been collecting him from nursery but for some reason I’ve been terrified of taking him. I can’t explain it really, it just scared me. This morning however, The Beef asked me if I would do the honours and instead of wiggling my way out of it, I said yes. For the first time, I got to see Big Bro chatting to his friends, picking out his name tag and putting it up on the wall, going to the toilet by himself and after hugging me goodbye, running off to join the rest of the class. It showed me just how confidant he is and how well he is doing, and it also reaffirmed to me that I was doing right by him too.
There are things I still need to work on – going out is still an issue, and so on seeing my doctor today, we’ve increased my dose a little. It’s a start however and one that I hope will continue to have a really positive effect.
Today I am linking up with The Olivers Mad House, as I believe that although it isn’t a single moment, what is happening is magic.
I totally agree that this whole situation is magical! i am honored you have linked up such a touching post.
I am anxiety sufferer and although medicated a while ago i have not yet been back to the Dr’s and I should!
Thank you for sharing I think this maybe the kick i needed.
Thanks for linking up with #magicalmoments
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One thing I was told, was I can’t just “come off them”, I would have to wean myself off the medication, if I ever get to the point where I feel like I’m better, so worth bearing in mind.
I’m glad though that it’s given you some motivation. Anxiety is one of those things that creeps up on you, then slaps you in the face!
What a truly open and honest post. This is a magic moment and a half. I’m so glad that things are opening up for you x
Nichola Fabfortymum recently posted…Shooting Stars – Magic Moments
Thank you Nichola. I always aim to be open and honest on this blog, otherwise somehow I feel like I’m not only cheating myself, but the people who read it.
This is really great to hear – so glad you are feeling the benefits – I suffered a huge amount of anxiety after my little one was born – I am currently taking anti-depressants but do wonder that I may need to take something extra for anxiety too!
older mum in a muddle recently posted…Limbo Land
Sorry to hear that you too are suffering with this. It seems to be quite common, but not talked about too much which is a shame.
The anti-anxiety tablets that I take, have a bit of anti-depressant in too – which is a bonus. I don’t think I’ve had a bad depressive episode since I started taking them!
Lilandrael recently posted…A Journey Through Anxiety
This is a touching and beautiful post. Thank you for writing about this and sharing it with your readers. This is my first time to your website, and I just love your header image.
Cathy recently posted…Do I believe my scales?
Thank you Cathy, I’m a little bit of a Tolkien fanatic (okay I’m obsessed!), and from the look of your own blog header you are too! Love it
Lilandrael recently posted…A Journey Through Anxiety
What a great post, so brave to be sharing. Glad you are getting things sorted, long may it continue! #PoCoLo
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Thank you!
Well done for taking those first steps and for blogging it, life is so darn stressful at times – well most of the time! I had my first panic attack 5 weeks or so ago and it was truly scary until I recognised it for what it was. I hope you have a restful weekend.
Thank you for reading Jeannette. You’re right, life really is stressful at times and sometimes we don’t realise that we need to slow down soon enough! I’m truly sorry to hear of your panic attack – at least you recognised it. Are you having any treatment for it?
I am glad things are starting to work out for you hun. I hope the next lot of CBT helps you even more. I too suffer from Anxiety and CBT was my lifeline when I was at my worse.
Laura x x x
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Thanks Laura, I have no doubt that when I’m finally able to have the sessions, that it will help. I had such a positive experience with the group CBT appointments, that I really can’t wait to get going again.
This is a fantastic achievement, well done. Anxiety is something not enough people understand or know about. Thank you so much for linking up for some #pocolo x
Verily Victoria Vocalises recently posted…Post Comment Love. 22nd – 24th March 2013
You’re welcome Victoria and it was a pleasure to link up and receive some lovely responses to the post. I’ll definitely be joining in again next week!
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How wonderful that taking this step has made such a massive difference to your life. You must have started to think that this was just what life was like and it would never change – amazing when it actually does change! And so lovely to be able to play with your children again. xx
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I did think that this was just how things were going to be, then the thinking spirals out of control, and you doubt everything about yourself. I never usually think much of taking a pill to fix a problem, but I really can say that the anti-anxiety tablets have definitely helped me for the better. And like you said, playing with the children is one of the best feelings ever.
Lilandrael recently posted…Saturday Is Caption Day!
I’m so glad you have sound some reprieve. How lovely that you’re able to actually enjoy having fun with your children again. A lovely post. Thank you for sharing your story
What a lovely honest post. You write about anxiety so well, and as someone who also struggles with this from time to time, it is really helpful to read your journey. Thanks so much for sharing. Found you via #PoCoLo and will be checking back xx
Good news! Lovely, honest post
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Well done for taking the step and realizing something was wrong. It’s really tough to admit that things aren’t quite right. All the best with it.
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You’re right, it’s probably one of the hardest things, after that, things are a bit easier because you have an idea on where you are headed. Thank you for taking the time to read!
Lilandrael recently posted…What is Mindfulness?